He's smiling on the inside.

He’s smiling on the inside.

Stanton loves to give writing advice to humans. He’s a voracious reader, often reading by osmosis, as many cats do. You can see them at this when they’re lying on your books, newspapers, magazines, important papers, anything with pictures or words. Stanton is fairly busy, giving me ideas, suggestions, and advice, but he’s considering writing an advice column for writers. I told him he should try this out by guesting on my blog, then he could get a blog of his own. He suggested I get him a “clog” instead. When I asked why he looked at me as if my brain had leaked out of my ears. C.L.O.G. A cat log, he said. Then he ran upstairs and used his litter box. When I googled clog to see if there was a clogspot, or clogger, all I found were shoes. I think he was pulling my leg. It’s hard to tell with him, as you can see from his photo. He should play poker, but around here only dogs are playing poker. And he’s not specist, but he prefers to play alone. He constantly beats me at solitaire.

Here’s a sample of Stanton’s clog. If you think he should write on a regular basis, please leave your comments here. When he has his own site, I’ll give you a link.

STANTON: I have eight years experience musing for my human. During that time I’ve found that my job is not only to give her ideas, make her laugh, and help heal her migraines, but sometimes I literally have to step on her keyboard to make her take a break. You writers procrastinate until you can’t any more, then you refuse to take care of yourselves by stretching and moving around. Take a lesson from a cat!

WRITER: Stanton, I hope you can help me. I suffer from writer’s block. I’ve tried everything I know. What should I do?

STANTON: I have no idea what you “know” so I don’t know what you’ve tried. Have you tried sitting in front of your computer until your eyes fall out? I didn’t think so. I don’t believe in “writer’s block” I believe in “writer’s refusal to write.” Just write something. It doesn’t have to be good. In fact, it should probably go in the cat box when you’re through, but at least it will get you unstuck. You’re welcome.

ANOTHER WRITER: Stanton, I have so many ideas I don’t know what to do. What should I do?

STANTON: Well, duh. Write them down. Then write something! And if you have so many you don’t have enough years to write all those stories, plays, poems, novels, essays, how-to books … share some of them on Facebook with your other writer pals.

REDCRESTED So there’s a sample of what Stanton can do. Should he? He’ll be watching the comments to see what writers think.


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