No, I don’t, but if I did I’d do it differently than last night’s show. I haven’t missed an Oscar Night since I watched the 1973 show in my hotel room in Phoenix. That means I’ve watched more than 40 hosts (some years they had multiples. One year they had no host at all. Maybe they should try that again) as they insult the stars, insult women in general, trot out the usual racist, homophobic, fattist, misogynistic material that has been used at Hollywood events since they invented Hollywood. Give me a break. No, seriously. Give me a break from this load of unbearably bad material. You guys, and most of you are guys, can afford the best. So give me your best! Were Tina and Amy too busy? What about Jimmy Fallon? He’s good. Especially when paired with Tina or Amy.
I enjoyed Seth’s singing and dancing. I didn’t enjoy his flat jokes. I didn’t enjoy his banging on about himself as if we all knew who he was and were dying to know how he was doing before he even got started.
And I don’t enjoy hearing today that those who are complaining about last night’s show just can’t take a joke. We can take jokes. We take good jokes, funny jokes, all day long. We love jokes. People love to laugh. All people. Fat people, gay people, people of all colors and all religions. We laugh at ourselves too.
I’ll watch next year’s Oscar show, never fear. I’m in it for the long haul, obviously. But how about giving me a happy surprise next year? And if you need help with the writing, just ask me. I’m happy to help.